


i hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name

by alltoowells



Category: Little Mix (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: F/M, all from zayn's pov, but i neva name her so its whateva, its kinda short but, ive been meaning to post this for awhile, lowkey highkey based on Someone New by banks and I Liked by one republic, mention of gigi, post-zerrie, srry if this is kinda ugly its 2 in the morning, zerrie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-23 22:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6132282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltoowells/pseuds/alltoowells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Zayn wants to give Perrie his best and finds the only way possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. again

Bright, Zayn remembers. She was so bright. 

The pearly white smile she liked to flash at him as she laughed, her head thrown back as her eyelashes fluttered shut, laugh lines prominent. Sometimes she would hate it— her smile. She whined about her crooked front teeth and feeling the need to fix it, to which Zayn only responded to by singing Crooked Smile by J Cole. Immediately, it would make her laugh and hit him, telling him to shut up. But it always worked, it always made her smile again. 

The luminosity in her eyes when she looked at him carried the endless stories she told him and all the ones he's yet to hear. It was a never ending whirlpool of blues and golds,and when she smiled, he swore he could see the oceans crashing into each other and the heavens splitting open for him to walk into. Perrie's long milky legs stretched over on to Zayn's own, tangled between each other as she cuddled into his warmth. He held her closely, feeling her warm breath send vibrations down his neck traveling towards his toes and coming back. She was electric, really, and the way his body responded to her touch was evidence of it all. 

"Zayn," she mumbled, edging her face into his shoulder, small hands clinging on to his tan tattooed arms. Her fingers traced the black ink of her own face permanently drawn on to his skin. "You know something?"

Zayn looked down at her, her hopeful eyes gazing at him through a delicate set of lashes. "What?"

She plopped on to her elbow and smiled at him. "I really love you."

His heart never ceased to continue jumping at the sound of those words. He felt so blessed to have her. Her charismatic personality, angelic face, infectious laughter; it was all surreal to be able to say was his and vice versa. "You wanna know something?" Zayn mimicked.

She smiled, nudging her head closer to his face, breathing right beside his cheek. Her hand playfully traveled up to his face and squeezed his cheeks full of stubble, his lips squeezing into a pucker. "Tell me," Her voice went high, her fingers gently squeezing his cheeks with each word to make it seem as though he was speaking.

Zayn squished hers in return, copying her own actions. "I love you."

"Would you marry me?" She poked on, a teasing voice matching her playful face.

"I don't think so," He said in a baby voice, coming off with a slight grain.

"You want to have fifty thousand babies with me," She laughed rolling over on top of him. Her chin lay on his bare chest as she looked up at him from her eyelashes. She was light even being completely sprawled out on him.

"I do," He brushed her hair out of her face as he said this, making her cheeks go pink and bury her face into him. "And I want you to be Mrs. Perrie Malik and take you everywhere and be old with you."

She laughed at his teasing before she fell silent once again, the only sound emitted from her being her steady breathing. She rolled off him and back on to her back, staring up at the white ceiling.

"You alright?" Zayn hummed, stroking her hair.

"Do you think that'll really happen?" She asked, eyes trained on the ceiling. "Do you think we'll ever do it?" 

Zayn glanced at the silver ring she solemnly spun back and forth on her finger, glittering before him. It only seemed like yesterday when he was telling his mates he was going to tie things for once and for all with her, but the sureness of knowing Perrie was the one he wanted to wake up next to never left his system. "I think I'll always be in love with you and you'll always be the one I want. We're always busy, I know...fuck of course I know and i hate that. But you're the only thing I've ever wanted this bad, P. The only thing."

The look she gave him was one he saw every now and then that filled him with hope. Her eyes reminded him of a morning sky even while not smiling grandly, but it was somehow better than that. Being the emotional person she couldn't help being, she began crying and laughing at her own uncontrollable tears. That morning he pulled her close into him and planted kisses all over her until they fell back into slumber as they usually do. He never got it out of his head that he wanted that to be the look she wore when they met at the alter. He wanted that desperately.

But that was the last time he ever saw her like this.

Now, they barely spoke. The last time he even heard her speak was on the phone, a call Perrie intended to keep brief. She planned to walk in and immediately walk out of the home they once shared, and that's what happened. He didn't see her, only knowing she came from the lack of boxes in the living room that occupied all of her things. 

It was difficult. Perhaps she didn't realize it among the insanity of their breakup and painful exchanges, but it was difficult for him as well. It was incredibly difficult for Zayn, but all he could think of was everything Perrie told him. Everything she said about leaving her mark on the world some day and knowing she had achieved everything she wanted to. The ability to say she did it all was the dream for Perrie. 

He also remembered everything he did to her. The unintended nights of crying he made her go through whether it was from missing him or the nights he spent in arms that didn't belong to her. Her silence was deafening the many times he came to her apologizing for his decisions and reassuring her he loved her because he did. He could never imagine not loving Perrie Edwards, and maybe that's why things had to happen. When they did, she did so much. He would read the occasional tweets on his phone that popped up every now and then, fixating on them for a very long time. Records set by her group, singing in America, nominations stacking up. It was very surreal and truthfully, he had never been more proud of her.

And maybe that's why Zayn found himself in a different bed with a different girl in a different country. Perhaps he was correct to do what he did. Because Zayn was someone who had seen it all with open arms and was ready to take on more while he feared Perrie deserved to see more– deserved to discover more. Zayn was no stranger to other women and it had hit him like lighting when he thought to himself of how narrow she lived because of him and how selfish he felt being the one to be her first everything. She deserved more and beyond. He could no longer be what held her down to comfortability and resent. 

He often wondered if he really should've done what he did. Was it worth it to lose her to save herself? Was it necessary to let her go for her to prosper? Did he really do the right thing? He often answered this himself with yes and a heavy heart. She really did deserve it all and he couldn't take that from her — not now. No matter how much it hurt to let her go and see her crying as she stormed out their house with her belongings and pets, leaving him alone in their apartment. At times, he still heard her repeatedly asking why as she cried, clinging on to his t-shirt. She'd ask if she wasn't good enough and if he didn't love her anymore and it pained him to hear her like this, with her confidence hanging low and feeling of self worth even lower. As she ranted these thoughts she would punch his chest and push him angrily only to sink to the floor again and cry more. But he did think she was good enough– fuck, she was everything he ever dreamed of. 

She was the woman who somehow found a way to love him despite everything and anything, she was the woman who stood by him when he decided he wanted to break free of his band, she was the one who he woke up one day and decided she was the one he would want to meet at the end of the aisle. And he could never stop loving her even if he tried. God, has he tried.

Days were long and tiresome when they broke things off and the number of company he had increased the more lonesome he felt. His chest wound up tighter and tighter as he progressively found out she cried on stage, was beginning to go out and get drunk, and weeks later eventually urged herself to move on from the memories and most importantly, from Zayn. It admittedly reached the point of his mouth running dry at the rumours of other guys she had been speaking to and most likely is. 

Who was he to get upset, though? He would remind himself this daily because he really was no one to be upset. 

_He_ broke things off with _her_. He was the one who decided to allow her to explore this aspect of her life. He did his best to silence the selfish part of him screamed out that this was twisted and wrong, that Perrie belonged to him in every way possible and anyone pretending they could ever fill in that gap in her life was completely out of their mind. It drove him wild that somewhere out there were men who considered the image of their own hands roaming her porcelain body, learning every freckle and sweet spot the way he did. He was the first and God, it drove him absolutely mad anyone thought they deserved to be her last. 

The reality of things, though it pained him to admit, was that she belonged to no one. Perrie Edwards shines too bright to be boxed into a life of limitations and he truly hoped anyone trying to pursue her was aware of this cold hard fact. Hurting aside, this was most definitely a sign to him, though. A positive one, at that. The freedom he gave her had set in the way he hoped it would and she was happy, maybe even happier than she ever was when they were together. It was the kind of happiness he felt responsible for restricting her all these years. Overall, her moving on meant he needed to as well. And he did.

Zayn met bright blue eyes that were just like hers; bouncing blonde hair that was just like hers; but not the same aura that was Perrie's. That's okay though, he thought. Because there really is and most likely can never be someone like her again and there really shouldn't be. He accepted this truth and maybe that's why he liked to accept so many women of those characteristics because it felt like moving on, even if he acknowledges his twisted habit of running to the first pair of blue eyes that reminded him of hers. 

Sometimes he thinks Perrie is quite better than he is at this. Judging from the rumored men she had been talking to, none of them were like him and it got him thinking to what this meant for himself and for her. Why did he seek for women just like her but Perrie looked into men so different from him? He still can't answer this, even a year after everything, and that's probably for the best. The last thing he wants to know is how much pain he caused her though it doesn't feel that difficult to take a guess and be correct. He hated overthinking like this about her but he figured this may be the price, really. Finding other people as much as he wanted but never feeling the absolute satisfaction the way he did with her. Though it was corny as shit to him, it kind of did put him to think just how much your first love takes a toll on you.

The years made him think these thoughts less and less since no matter how he wants to twist this, it still has been two years since he last spoke to her in person or even attempted to seek her. Today was different, though. 

Today, she was going to show up in another one of her beautiful dresses and grace the red carpet with her best friends while he does, too. Today was going to be a day he knew since they day they broke up he would somehow dread and have excitement for at the same time. He wasn't wrong when he suspected these emotions years ago, either. Few feet away from him, she sat next to her friends laughing away at one of the silly things they love joking about. She had never looked better and matured beautifully for twenty-four years old. The dress she wore was long, clinging on to the top half of her body but flowing angelically towards the bottom. Her long blonde hair was parted to the side and curled, framing her small face. Everything rushed to him from the day they met to the even smaller moments they shared laughing inside their bedroom in what felt like so long ago. He was alone today with no one by his arm but she wasn't. Perhaps not physically with her, but regardless, she was not alone. 

"You nervous?" The voice he knew to belong to his mother asked beside him. It was his first time being nominated for such a big award show as a solo artist so of course he was. His palms felt sweaty and his heart was beating miles per hour despite the facade he attempted to put on as cameras flashed when on the red carpet.

Still he responded coolly with, "Not that much since you're here with me." She beamed at him, pinching his cheek and planting a kiss on it, using her thumb to wipe off the smudged red lipstick stain she left on it.

The show dragged on for what felt like ages and when it came to awards, he surprisingly found himself winning more than he anticipated (he noticed Perrie winning as well but he tried his best to push her to the back of his mind). When it came to an end, his mother decided to drive home while his friends invited him to celebrate at one of the many after parties being thrown where he knew he'd be kissed by the brim of many beer bottles and shot glasses. Many of the people he recognized, some winners of the night and some not. He mingled with many of them, taking pictures and striking conversations on each others albums. This is what he dreamed of for so long. Making art and if he were blessed enough, being able to say his raw emotions and thoughts were to be credited for his success rather than the likes of someone else's own words being shoved down his throat for him to sing. 

The pulsing music pushed him into different parts of the room where he took shots with different friends both old and new. A face he didn't expect to see was there, too, drinking out a glass of alcohol that was decorated with a tiny pink umbrella. She had changed out of her more elegant attire, but still looked gorgeous in the new little black dress and black heels. It might have been the influence of the numerous shots he had taken, but upon seeing her walk to a small hall leading to a more isolated hall, he couldn't help but follow. She leaned against the wall, talking on the phone with who he could only assume was either her mum checking up on her or her boyfriend. They spoke for a swift minute before she hung up and saying a quick 'i love you' to the other end. 

It felt odd to hear her say it to someone else. Granted, he won't stand there and pretend he hadn't said those words to another woman since their split, but it still caught him off guard. That wasn't who he said that to anymore and that wasn't who she would be saying it to.

She took in a second to breathe and just exist in that moment, her eyes shut and chest rising and falling as she inhaled and exhaled. Turning to walk back into the crowded party, she stopped in her tracks, suddenly aware of Zayn standing just feet away from her.

At first, they only stared with no words coming from either one of them. He was afraid and almost entirely positive she would walk past him as though nothing ever happened, but instead she offered a gentle smile and he never realized until now how much he had missed seeing it. It was surprising how well she handled things despire how much went on between them. She was either very good at masking her underlying anger with him or she was genuinely not holding anything against him. Knowing her, he knew it was the latter despite the insecurity wondering if it was the first option. She took a small step toward him, hands holding on to her phone as though it were a clutch. "Hello, Zayn."

His mouth felt dry but he managed to formulate a response to her. "Hey, Perrie. It's been awhile."

"It really has been," She licked her lips as she took in the sight of him standing before her for the first time in so long. His facial hair grew out again and was in desperate need of a shave but she was no stranger to it and he knew she was a fan of it. "I see you came back winning tonight, yeah?" She referred to the awards from tonight. 

"I can say the same to you, you really went big tonight with performing, you smashed it." They really had. He couldn't pretend to be surprised, after accompanying her for many performances beforehand he was familiar with the amount of importance and focus they put in visual creativity and vocals. They had always been such overachievers when it came to performing for others.

Her eyes suddenly lit up, the blue somehow fluorescent under the dim lights. "Thank you. We've been waiting since 2012 to be recognized like this and-- well you know that. But thank you."

He did, he thought. He really did know this. It was only what he listened to her pray for since the day he met her. "I'm really glad things are going like you wanted, P."

She smiled warmly once again, her dimples popping. "It means a lot, Zayn, thank you. I'm proud of you as well. I guess we both got what we wanted."

He wanted to say more, anything just to elongate the conversation between them, but he wasn't naive to the subtle glance she did behind him where someone was most likely waiting on her to return. She apologized quickly and said she would have to get back to the girls again, ready to continue past him, but he wasn't sure he was ready to let her leave so quickly. Before he could lose her back in the crowd and wonder about her all over again, he quickly reached for her arm and stopped her. "I don't want to hold you longer than I already did but I've really... I've really missed talking to you. I hope I see you around."

"You will," She reassured to him, smiling at him for the third time. With that, she waved goodbye and left back to her friends, leaving him to think. 

Though it may not have seemed like much, those two words really did mean everything to him. It signified so much to him and he hoped with the smallest bit inside him that it meant as much to her as it did to Zayn. Maybe after the time she spent seeing the world and reaching every star she thought to be too far from her, she would carry him in her heart the way he knew he always would, too. 

Even more important though, was the thought that maybe Zayn really did do the right thing for once those two years ago. He was able to allow her the happiness she didn't realize existed while they were together and she took that and turned herself into something more. And that alone was everything to him.


	2. like we used to

With the amount of time that passed by, Zayn was beginning to grow unsure as to whether Perrie would contact him again. Since then, Zayn had began living with his girlfriend, some of his belongings still being moved to her apartment. He was taking big steps in his life again since he dated her and it felt strange. He was so familiar with the situation but it was with someone so different from her. The seasons changed since he last saw her and he was beginning to wonder whether she even wanted to see him. He often wondered if perhaps she had her own underlying envy towards her from all the coverage his relationship gets, though he always felt he should erase that thought. She wasn't the type to do that and he knew.

Despite his ongoing worries though, Zayn can't say Perrie wasn't a woman of her word. He was in the studio when her name flashed across the screen, his heart skipping as he read and reread each word.

Hey, sorry it's been so long! Been touring but hows a quick catchup sound?? Im in LA :) xx P

His heart pounded, feeling as though it was ready to fall out of his ass and on to the floor. It was a random time to contact him granted, but he wasn't about to start complaining. It was something and it meant he would get to see and speak to her again. Whilst his friends chatted amongst themselves, he glanced at them before quickly typing a message in response. 

Sounds gud :) in the studio but b out soon x

He didn't wait long for her response, her name blinking once again.

Mind if i pop by there instead? Dont really want scandals from the girls or paps xx P

He thought it over for a second as he texted her the address, his heart quickening as he considered this. He felt the rush to get everyone out of the studio as soon as possible, assure total privacy, maybe fix himself up a bit. To be just, this was only a catch-up between to friends. 

"Steve? Jawaad?" Both of his friends looked up, pausing the demo they had playing. "Don't want to be a dick,but do you two think you could leave. I've got someone coming soon and... You know."

Jawaad quirked an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. "Alright, we see what you're saying. Is this certain someone a girl? Perhaps yours?"

"You already know, don't ya? Now leave," Zayn lied through clenched teeth, pushing them out the door. He knew lying wasn't something he should be doing, much less to his own cousin and best friend, but he knew they wouldn't understand. They didn't understand then and they wouldn't understand now. Zayn waited for a long while before she texted him that she was there. A soft knock sounded from behind the door, opening to reveal her small body peeking through. A smile instantly settling on his face as he laid eyes on her. Her curly hair fell beneath her chest now and looked golden. She had a pair of jeans and a plain black crop top on, but she still managed to look pretty as always.

"Hi!" She greeted in a bubbly tone, running up to hug him. "It's so nice to see ya again! How've ya been doin'?"

"I've been good. I'm in the studio right now for some new stuff but yeah, i've been good."

Her smile remained on her face, her eyebrows knitting together as she awed. "That's great, Zayn. You've got a talent for music, you know?"

"Thank you," he chuckled at her enthusiasm. He nearly forgot how overwhelmingly contagious her positivity was. "How about you? How are you?"

"'M doin' fine. We just finished a European leg of our tour so we're on a little break before we run off to Australia and Asia. Little Mix is doin' so much better than we initially used to expect, y'know?"

"That's incredible, Perrie. You all deserve the success, I mean it." 

Perrie beamed at him, turning her back to face the equipment instead. "It must feel good to be back in the studio, I miss it."

"Do you wanna record something right now?" He wasn't sure why out of everything that's what he offered, but he had already spoken. 

She laughed in response, tilting her head to the side. "Really? What would I even sing? I've got nothin' right now. Honestly, I rather hear what you recorded."

Zayn nodded and played the song for her, watching her intently as she listened. Her head bopped to the beat, her eyes closed. Neither of them spoke, only listened until his voice faded out. 

"That is really good," She complimented. "Your voice sounds incredible, Zayn. The lyrics are so beautifully written as well. Is it about..." Her voice traveled off, not completely comfortable with saying her name just yet but making an attempt to imply who she spoke of. 

Zayn was tempted to deny it because it really wasn't about who she referred to, but he couldn't do that, no matter how much he wanted to scream it to her. "Yeah, it is."

Her smile softened. "That's really beautiful, does she know you wrote this for her?"

"Nope." Which was true.

"I'm going to sound like a broken record, but i don't care. It's really good, Z. You deserve all of the praise you can get. I can assume you both are doing well then?"

"Yeah, we are." He answered slowly. They were doing good. They don't really argue and she's such a great girl. Perhaps that's why guilt flooded Zayn's chest every time he thought of Perrie instead of his own loyal girlfriend. "How are you with- you know. Your love life."

"Jack's fine. We're good," her dimples popped as she spoke, leaning against the black walls, pink flushing her cheeks. "He's really nice to me, you would like him." Perrie watched him intently as he fell into a sudden silence, realizing the turn this conversation took. "You know, it makes me really happy that we're friends, acquaintances—whatever we are— again. We were best friends more than anything before and this is nice."

Zayn's silence hesitated to break but eventually did, the corner of Zayn's smile turning up to a crooked smile. "I'm happy too, P."

"Well," Perrie said as she removed her back from the wall, back on her feet. "I don't mean to cut this so short but it was really nice seeing you. I'm proud of you, really. I'll see you soon, yeah? Maybe i'll take you up on your offer to record something."

"That was a one time deal."

"Shut up," She laughed, rolling her eyes. He rose off his hair as she approached him, arms wrapping around him tightly. She smelled a lot like the Chanel perfume he got her so long ago and everything felt old again as he held her. It was like they were back in their own house, their pets running around as she snuggled into him and stroked his hair. He couldn't believe how familiar she felt after such a long time, after so many changes. Her arms dropped and slipped away, instead falling at her sides and extending out to open the door. "Bye, Zayn."

She disappeared from the room, leaving Zayn alone, standing in the middle of the room. An empty feeling sunk deep into his chest as it he processed seeing her again for the second time. Unlocking his phone, he went back into her contact name and typed up a message reading 'Bye, Perrie', x's and and a smiley face following.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a bit rare to hear from Perrie lately, but when he did, Zayn couldn't help but get excited. She was off touring so he hadn't really been able to speak to her often, but it was fine. It felt better than the gap they spent not speaking to each other. Zayn was lying down on his living room couch when his phone buzzed on his stomach. Flipping it over, he smiled as her name came on. 

_Another show done tonight! Xx_

_Siiick! Whereabout ?_

_France! Xx ___

Zayn smiled to himself, knowing the excitement Perrie must be feeling. She always did love France, particularly Paris. The small shops, the villages, the food—she was a fan of it all. He remembers various trips they took there, his birthday being one of them. He imagined himself proposing to her there in front of the Eiffel tower, its lights lighting up behind her, but it never came down to it. He was far too impatient to put off proposing to her.

__His phone buzzed again._ _

_howsabout a quick facetime?? Its been forever_

He smiled, clicking on her contact name and pressing the button to videochat instead of responding. She answered rather quickly, her stage makeup and outfit still on.

"Hey!" She beamed, walking down a narrow hallway. She was alone while the girls were probably off in the dressing rooms. "So you won't believe what happened tonight."

"What?"

"I was on stage ya know, doin' my thing and performin' when this girl in the front row lifts her shirt, takes her bra off, and tosses it on stage. It landed right in front of my feet, I felt like a proper rock star," She laughed, her hands motioning the girls actions all the while.

"Seriously?" Zayn laughed, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

"Yeah!" She nodded. "It was absolutely insane. I mean, I know you're probably used to that from fans, they've been flashin' you since you were in One Direction, but I've never been! I'm quite honored, really."

"It's been awhile since that's happened," He chuckled. "But yeah, I guess I am."

Perrie's face immediately softened, her voice lowering almost to a coo as she spoke. "Right, how've you been, Z?"

"I've been alright, I can't complain."

"That's not what I was referring to."

He sighed. It wasn't the easiest thing for Zayn to speak about his anxiety because frankly it was embarrassing to him. He wanted to be an artist but hasn't had the courage to perform for his own fans since his debut album. Onto his junior album, it didn't look good that this was all he had to offer. It made him feel pathetic. "I'm alright, Pez. I know what you meant. I've been doing okay with it."

"Are you sure, Z? You can tell me anything, you know?" She tried to urge him to speak to her. Admittedly, this all felt all too reminiscent. Zayn recalled the few but constant conversations that started like this and ended in arguments between the two.

"I'm sure, Perrie." He sighed. She visibly deflated, her shoulders slouching in defeat. 

"Okay." She simply said, putting on a smile for him instead. "Anyway, how are things at home? How's your mum? Your sisters?"

"They're all good. You know my mum, she's getting by. My sister's are doing well too, Safaa misses you sometimes, I think."

"Aw, bless her." She cooed, her dimples creeping out. "I miss her too."

"She still buys your music and everything off my card. Plays the music for weeks and replays the songs until she hits your notes." Zayn continued, knowing it would only make her go red in the face. "Absolutely adores you and the girls, still. I think you're overdue for a visit."

"Oh, shut _up_." She laughed, her hand flying up to cover her face. "But I'll see if I can see her soon. Better yet, hows about you bring her to one of our shows? All on me."

"That would be really cool," Zayn smiled. 

They went on speaking, Perrie doing most of the talking. The days they went without speaking before today she quickly filled him in with. It was so easy for them to speak. He liked hearing and watching her talk. She has an elaborate way of acting out events, changing her voice to suit the person—everything had to be properly displayed. 

"Oh! Before I forget," Perrie piped up, making Zayn jump a little from how loud her voice suddenly turned. "Jack told me to say hello."

At this, Zayn's mood tumbled. He had grown more and more aware of Perrie's relationship with Jack the more they spoke. She's always happily open to disclose details of their relationship to him and all of the things he says to her, but Zayn can't be angry at her. He really can't. Perrie was only doing what she felt was okay to do considering they were friends. Supposed to be friends. She even asked about Zayn's own girlfriend often, asking how she was and that he should say 'hello' for her. He always says he will, but never does. He hasn't even told her he's been in contact with his ex-fiancé. So Zayn can't blame her. He's her friend to her, even if Zayn doesn't just want to consider himself that. Lately, he doesn't even know what he wants to be to her anymore.

"Did he? Send him my regards then, yeah?" He grumbled, making an attempt to maintain a polite expression.

"I will!" She smiled. In the background, Zayn could hear Perrie's bandmates calling for her, making Perrie turn her head. She spoke back and forth with them for awhile,m before turning back to the screen and speaking in a lowered voice. "That's my cue. We've got packing up to do and whatnot. I'll speak to you tomorrow, maybe?"

"Alright," He smiled. "Goodnight, Perrie."

"Goodnight, Zayn."

After she hung up and the screen returned to a photo of him and his girlfriend set as his lockscreen, Zayn struggled to swallow the 'i love you' he was tempted to finish the phone call with. No soon after, his girlfriend walked out of their bedroom, rubbing her eyes sleepily despite being the afternoon already. 

"Why are you out here?" She frowned, walking toward the couch next to him. Her silk robe brushed his skin, blonde hair swept on to one shoulder. "I woke up and you weren't with me."

"Just thinking." He answered shortly. Gigi stared at him, unsure of what else to say. Zayn had admittedly become slightly detached go her and it guilted him like hell. Zayn knew what he was doing and the consequences there were. None of it was her fault. Scooting over, he patted on the spot in front of him. She shuffled over and lied down in front of him, her back pressed against him. Her hand reached for his own and wrapped it around her small frame. 

As he lied down and counted his breaths, he tried to contemplate everything: the woman lying next to him, affectionately reaching behind her head to stroke his cheek; the woman he just finished Facetiming whom he couldn't keep out of his damn head no matter how much he's trying; the man he knows she's seeing. 

"Babe?" Her voice was quiet, cracking from a whisper to a low voice. It was barely audible, but Zayn heard her. "I love you. A lot."

"I love you, too." And he meant it. He did. Gigi had grown to become someone he dearly cared for, but he had Perrie in the back of his mind pestering at him every minute of the day. It left him feeling confused and foolish. Zayn was pining for a woman he let go while he had another woman evidently in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said in the tags i dont mention gigi soz but not really at least i updated


End file.
